A Boy, a Girl, a Man, a Pinewood Derby Axle, and One Really Mad Mom

Sharpsburg Ward had their annual Pinewood Derby last Saturday. It was a really fun event with excitement and socializing--at least that's what we heard. We didn't go. Let me explain why (long, but hopefully good for a laugh)...

Once upon a time, I knew nothing about and felt nothing for the Pinewood Derby. However, this would soon change. My detest and loathing of Pinewood Derby races began many years ago...when Harrison was in Cub Scouts. After 3 years of Harry and Harrison arguing, staying up until all hours of the morning doing who knows what to that piece of wood, getting odd packages from a completely "legit" company, Harry purchasing special and expensive tools to work on the car, and many more "wonderful" experiences, the detest grew and morphed into a slight tic whenever I heard the words Pinewood Derby. When Harrison turned 11 years old, I did a little happy dance in celebration of no more Pinewood Derby at our house. Oh how I was wrong. I was called as the Activities Committee Chair and had to endure, plan, and organize 4 more years of Pinewood Derby mayhem and foolishness. It was not pleasant, but nothing can compare to the absolute disdain I felt for the Pinewood Derby and anything related to it on August 11th.

Friday night (Aug. 8th), Harrison, Harry, and Hannah started talking about their designs, what needed to be done, who would get to use the "matched" wheels, etc... (mind you, we have 5 first and second place cars already completed in the garage). I turned a deaf ear and tried to go to my "happy place" in my head as the tic started in my left eye.

Harrison was sanding his wheels and polishing his axles on Saturday (Aug. 9th) while Harry built Hannah a balance beam. On Monday, I scolded Hannah for getting her 80 lb. balance beam out by herself. I hurried and got in the car to take Hannah to gymnastics. As I was backing out of the driveway, I noticed aforementioned axles laying in the driveway pointy side up, but I didn't have time to take care of them. And, I didn't think any more of it until I got a phone call from Harry stating that as he was collecting the cardboard to take to the recycling place he stepped on said axle and it went through his shoe and caused him pain. It didn't break the skin, it just poked him. He was mad to say the least. I was unaware, until later, that he placed said axle (pointy side up) on the termite trap next to where we keep the garbage cans so he could "show" Harrison the error of his ways when he got home from band practice.

So, when we all get home, Harry and Harrison begin to have a "discussion" about the incident. Harrison swore that he put the axles on a small table in the garage and that there was no way that it was his fault. In the meantime, Hannah was told to go out and pull the garbage can up from the curb and put it away (I'll let that thought register for a second). The next thing we know, she comes flying into the house screaming Harrison's name like a Banshee. You guessed it...she stepped on said axle that Harry had put on the termite trap for "safe" keeping. Did I mention that she was in slippers and that she has a gymnastics competition this Saturday? UGH!!! That's when I took over and, basically, decided to hate the Pinewood Derby until the day I die.

I sat all three of them down and started putting together the events of the crimes and how they were all at fault. Harrison had not put the axles away securely. Hannah bumped the table the axles were on when she took the beam out without permission. And Harry, my dear husband, had not thrown the stupid thing away after his encounter with the axle. Almost 2 hours later, I finally got them all to apologize to each other and to me for putting me through all of this over a STUPID PINEWOOD DERBY CAR!!!! Oh, and I grounded them all from making any new cars.

Thus ends the saga and explanation for my hate and loathing for the Pinewood Derby and why we did not attend the ward activity. THE END.